Marriage is for the community but how can you help hold it together when you lose that community?
Love in a Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez presents some questionable looks at what love and fidelity look like. But the crux of it is commitment. That no matter what happens we’re committed to each other.
In this time of isolation couples, married or not, are feeling the pressure. We are in each other’s space 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I can’t go to brunch with my girlfriends and talk about the funny things my husband does and instead they get less funny and more irritating as time goes on. Now in week 4, here are some of the ways we are getting around this issue.
Please note, we do not have children and my heart goes out to those of you who do. You are absolute troopers.
1. You don’t have to spend every minute with each other
My husband was quite frisky at the beginning. I myself was ovulating so I was up for it but also easily irritated. Theoretically we wanted to spend the time together but our emotions were so heightened we’d very quickly go from wanting to tear each others clothes off to wanting to tear each other a new one. If you’re into angry sex, that’s cool. I am not. I can’t even let the man touch me when I’m angry. Slowly but surely though we’ve figured out a rhythm to each other. My husband has given himself a project to distract him from me and we’re able to spend a couple of hours in separate rooms working on our own interests before coming back together. This also gives us something to talk about.
2. Make those moments count
Just like you might have had date night before quarantine make a ‘moment’ out of the little pleasures you can have. If you can still get out for a walk, really take that walk and enjoy the time with each other. Last night, we had £1 pizzas ad I also found some chicken strips in the fridge so we had a movie night. Take please are in each other.
3. Learn to speak each others language
I have heard The 5 Love Languages book by Gary Chapman extolled by christians and non-christians alike. He has so many free online resources and you could take this time to really get to learn each others language. You have almost ‘experimental’ conditions and it may require you to step out of your comfort zone but you know are able to focus on your partner and not fall out of practice because you came home from a hard day at work. You can find those resources here: https://www.5lovelanguages.com
4. Commit to Reconciliation
A single friend recently gave another friend advice he’d heard from his parents who were pastors. He’d said that they would encourage soon to be married couples by telling them they were marrying the right person if they could reconcile in an hour. I immediately said, well your parents are clearly heavenly beings because that is not always how it is. Sometimes you do go to bed angry, whether thats because you’re too tired to resolve the issue or, for myself, I’ve worked myself up so much that rationally I have reconciled the situation but chemically in body I still feel angry. In either situation, it’s more about committing to acknowledging there is an issue, no we haven’t resolved it but I am committed to working on it with you and in the future, hopefully, we will resolve it.
I realise that there may be some people who might be reading this who are trapped in emotionally or physically abusive relationships who my not have a partner who will work with them on any of these. Please know I am praying for you. I am praying that God will give you peace in your circumstances and the He will bring about a change in your partner or give you the strength to get out of that situation.
Be Blessed Rx
Disclaimer: I have never read Love in a Time of Cholera, I only know it from the film Serendipity and had to look the plot up.